My time of torment is at hand...

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate calling technical support...

I have been posting less because my Internet connection has been haphazard again. I loathe calling tech support, to the point of it giving me anxiety. I know that as soon as I get through the automated menus;

"If you are calling about ______, please say 'Yes,' if this is incorrect, please say, 'no'."

and I respond with a clear and easily understood, "No!", I will hear:

"I'm sorry, I did not understand your answer, If you are calling about ______, please say 'Yes,' if this is incorrect, please say, 'no'."

At which point, I hollar, "NO! NO! NO! NO!"

And the agony continues until the system connects me to a technician, herafter known as "Habbib," who answers in a middle eastern accent, "Hello, how may I be helping you today?"

Thankfully, Verizon seems to have notes in their system stating that I am a recurring caller, and Habbib seems to have understood that, evidenced by his actions in that he did not ask me to run any tests, ran a line test on his end, checked the connection logs for errors, and told me a technician would arrive promptly on Friday, somewhere between 8am and midnight.

Friday came and went with no technician, no confirmation call, and no reliable service.

On Sunday, I recieved a call, confirming that service was scheduled for today. Since I had to get my scooter inspected and I need to work later on today, this is not acceptable, so I called the number that it told me to call to reschedule, and after going through the intollerable menus (yet again), the system informed me: "We're sorry, but that office is closed. Please call back during normal business hours."

Well, if they don't have staff in those offices during that time, why is their automated system telling me to call those offices at that time?

This is preposterous.

This morning, I tried the call again, and this time, eventually got ahold of Habbib's cousin, hereafter known as "Achmed." I told him that I need to reschedule for Thursday, the third of September because I will be unavailable should a technician arrive today, tomorrow, or Wednesday. Achmed kindly told me to hold for about 15 minutes while he contacted the dispatcher. He finally came on the line and asked if he could call me back, at which point I acquiesced.

An hour and a half later, while I was waiting for my scooter inspection, Achmed left a message on my voicemail stating that a technician would be along on Wednesday, September third...

Can you hear my screams of anguish here in the depths of the abyss?

Hopefully he got the day wrong and the date right...

I do believe that customer service is a thing of the past and has been replaced with customer processing. If a company wants to offer true customer service, they should staff their call centers with folks who are completely fluent in the language of the customers they are serving, regardless of language. I realize that this will not happen as long as people are willing to be, or are unable to resist being, trodden upon by companies with poor customer service practices in order to receive a less expensive product. If I could afford to switch to another company (back to cable for instance), I would do so in a heartbeat.

**Disclaimer** I mean no disrespect to middle eastern folks. I'm just having a bit of fun. If you are offended, I apologize and will happily email you an enema.